Humor, god som dårlig!

 

[GHERTESTEAS]

I får lige lidt upassende og nok også stødende humor på engelsk!



Opinions are like dicks, it's always wrong if a woman has one.


A guy was having sex with a girl, and decided he was going to try his luck, flip her over and do her doggy style. The girl didn't complain, and just went along with it. The guy got a little more daring and decided to stick his finger in her asshole. She still didn't say anything, and seemed to be enjoying it. The guy decided to go all the way and proceeded to slip his dick in her asshole.
The girl suddenly froze, looked back at him over her shoulder, and said "Don't you think it's a little bit presumptuous for you to think it's okay to fuck me in the ass?"
"Presumptuous is a very big word for a five year old" he replied.


Why do tampons have strings?
So you can floss after eating.


Why can't you trick Lily Allens baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday


Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?"
Girl: "How do you play that?"
Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop."
Girl: "Okay, let's play."
After a few seconds...
Girl: "Red light!"
Boy: "NEEE NAAAAA NEEE NAAAA Fire engines don't stop for red lights."


I was asked to do a charity fun run this weekend, i said no at first, but then they told me it was for blind kids and spastics, so i thought, fuck it, i could win that.


What's does Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave childrens bedrooms with empty sacks.


I was following a young girl down a dark alley last night.
She suddenly noticed me behind her, so I said,
"Don't worry Im not a rapist, Im just walking home"
"That's what a rapist would say." she replied.
Turned out it was.


My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.
Which is a shame, because I really fancy him.

[Fernando]

haha hvor godt!

Boy: "NEEE NAAAAA NEEE NAAAA Fire engines don't stop for red lights." - Den var god! :-I

[GHERTESTEAS]

I skal have nogle flere



Why dont black people go on cruises?
They're not falling for that one again


My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me "Is that the best you can do?"


According to a recent poll, 90% of men from Liverpool have had sex in showers. The other 10% haven't been to prison.


I told my girlfriend i had a cock like a computer.She asked if it was because it had loads of RAM and a hard drive.What a fucking supprise she got when she found out it was actually microsoft and full of viruses.


A woman goes out clubbing and meets a handsome black dude. They go back to her place after a night of partying and drinking.
As they're getting undressed, the woman slides up to the black dude and says, "Go on stud, show me what makes you black guys famous." So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.


Was asked to go see my Ex-Girlfriend today.
One thing led to another and we ended up having sex.
police weren't too happy though
I was only supposed to identify the body


Boy comes home grinning and tells parents he's just had sex for the 1st time. Proud dad says "I'll buy you that bike to celebrate, have to be next pay day though" boy smiles and says "thats okay dad, my arse is too sore to ride it yet anyway"


Yo mommas so fat she went online to find cheats for Wii Fit!

[DavidMadsen]

Ghert <3

[korzika]

I love it. Fortsæt. 

[Chamberlain15]

Så denne på facebook og synes selv den var lidt sjov. ;-)

Teacher: Why were you late?
Girl1: I was blowing bubbles
Teacher: Why were you late?
Girl2: I was blowing bubbles too
*New boy walks in*
Teacher: Hello, who are you, little boy?
Boy: My name's Bubbles.
Teacher: ..

[Jonaspetersen93]

Så denne på facebook og synes selv den var lidt sjov. ;-)

Teacher: Why were you late?
Girl1: I was blowing bubbles
Teacher: Why were you late?
Girl2: I was blowing bubbles too
*New boy walks in*
Teacher: Hello, who are you, little boy?
Boy: My name's Bubbles.
Teacher: ..

fuck hvor nice

[nicolajtmadsen]

I skal have nogle flere



Why dont black people go on cruises?
They're not falling for that one again


My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me "Is that the best you can do?"


According to a recent poll, 90% of men from Liverpool have had sex in showers. The other 10% haven't been to prison.


I told my girlfriend i had a cock like a computer.She asked if it was because it had loads of RAM and a hard drive.What a fucking supprise she got when she found out it was actually microsoft and full of viruses.


A woman goes out clubbing and meets a handsome black dude. They go back to her place after a night of partying and drinking.
As they're getting undressed, the woman slides up to the black dude and says, "Go on stud, show me what makes you black guys famous." So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.


Was asked to go see my Ex-Girlfriend today.
One thing led to another and we ended up having sex.
police weren't too happy though
I was only supposed to identify the body


Boy comes home grinning and tells parents he's just had sex for the 1st time. Proud dad says "I'll buy you that bike to celebrate, have to be next pay day though" boy smiles and says "thats okay dad, my arse is too sore to ride it yet anyway"


Yo mommas so fat she went online to find cheats for Wii Fit!

FANTASTISK - INTET MINDRE

[Guldbrand]

To blondiner kommer løbende ned af stigen, hvorefter den ene siger til den anden - Har du hørt at juleaften falder på en fredag i år..?

den anden blondine drejer sig mod den anden og siger - Shit, så må vi håbe at det ikke bliver fredag d. 13.

[Bendtner_23]

According to a recent poll, 90% of men from Liverpool have had sex in showers. The other 10% haven't been to prison.

Its funny because its true.

[KrookDale]

Don't fuck with a hackers machine:
http://www.2xfun.de/view.php?file=19475#item

Lang, men er man en smule computernørd er den bestemt tiden værd.

[Gungner]

Djævelen har efterhånden udfordret Gud til en fodboldkamp, Himlen mod Helvede, i et godt stykke tid. Efter at have set sig om, og konstateret at der efterhånden er en del kompetente boldspillere i Himlen, accepterer Gud. Djævelen er dog kæphøj og siger at Gud vil tabe stort. Gud spørger hvorfor, og Djævelen siger grinende: Fordi vi har alle dommerne hernede!

[GHERTESTEAS]

Godt i kan lide dem - det kan jeg nemlig også, så her er nogle flere!



You know your girlfriend's too young for you when you have to make the airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.


So I was waiting for the bus the other day and some bloke hits me on the leg with a stick.
Naturally I retaliated at beat the shit out of him.
I gave his labrador a good kicking too!!


How many peados can you fit a car?
Just me the rest of the seats are taken up by kids


My daughter's so cute.
She's still at that age they think they're milking a cow.


What's black on top and white on the bottom?
Rape.


I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my daughter:
'Dad,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.'
And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...What the hell does 'ternative' mean?


My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word 'cunt'.
I suppose she's got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother's real name.


I have just passed the age where the girls I chat up turn me down, on the basis that I am old enough to be their father.
Isn't it depressing?
God I hate being 21.

[Duffk90]

Godt i kan lide dem - det kan jeg nemlig også, så her er nogle flere!



You know your girlfriend's too young for you when you have to make the airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.


So I was waiting for the bus the other day and some bloke hits me on the leg with a stick.
Naturally I retaliated at beat the shit out of him.
I gave his labrador a good kicking too!!


How many peados can you fit a car?
Just me the rest of the seats are taken up by kids


My daughter's so cute.
She's still at that age they think they're milking a cow.


What's black on top and white on the bottom?
Rape.


I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my daughter:
'Dad,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.'
And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...What the hell does 'ternative' mean?


My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word 'cunt'.
I suppose she's got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother's real name.


I have just passed the age where the girls I chat up turn me down, on the basis that I am old enough to be their father.
Isn't it depressing?
God I hate being 21.

xD hvor fanden finder du alt det lort henne, det er skide skægt 

[Zone 43]

I have just passed the age where the girls I chat up turn me down, on the basis that I am old enough to be their father.
Isn't it depressing?
God I hate being 21.

True that.
Ellers et par klasse jokes, du får fyret af. :Q