Fodbold Jokes

 

[kfuglsang]

Nu var det heller ikke meningen, at du skulle skrældgrine

Derfor blev denne smiley brugt:

Den var nok ikke alt for åbenlyst.

Det ved jeg godt... ingen grund til at hidse sig op...

[Rossonero]

Det ved jeg godt... ingen grund til at hidse sig op...

Hidse mig op? Ikke engang tæt på



En normal dag, på Brøndby's træningsanlæg:

[thomzen]

I stedet for alle de lamme Arsenal jokes, kommer der her jokes af højeste klasse:


Da Arsenal slog Villarreal ud af Champions League, var det sjoveste at kampen blev afbrudt af et egern på banen. Det nægtede at blive skiftet ud, og er allerede blevet en legende i England.
Hvad er forskellen på egernet og Spurs?

Egernet har CL erfaring!

[thomzen]

Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger, Rafael Benitez og Martin Jol stod på toppen af et bjerg.

"Jeg gør det for mit hold!" sagde Jol og sprang ud i den visse død

"Jeg gør det for mit hold" råbter Benitez og sprang også

Så var det Wengers tur.

"Jeg gør det for Premier League" råbte Wenger og skubbede Ferguson ud!

[thomzen]

En lastbil kører med fuld drøn ude på den Engelske motorvej.

Pludselig kommer der en gammel rusten skoda op på siden af lastbilen

Føren; der er iført en beskidt Liverpool kasket, og en trøje der alt for lille. Han ruller vinduet ned og råber: Hey! Du er ved at tabe din last!

Lastbilchaufføren ryster på hovedet og sætter farten op

Skodaen kører igen op på siden af lastbilen og råber igen: Hey! Du er ved at tabe din last!

Lastbilchaufføren ruller nu vinduet ned og er uden tvivl meget irriteret og råber:

"Jeg hedder James, jeg salter vejen!"

[Niko]

Se, det kalder vi humor!

[thomzen]

Og så to engelske (læs dem!):

Three Arsenal fans and three Tottenham fans are travelling by train to a game. At the station, the three Tottenham fans each buy tickets and watch as the three Gooners buy only a single ticket. How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? Asks one of the Spurs fans. Watch and you'll see, answers a Gooner. They all board the train. The Scum fans take their respective seats but all three Gooners cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, Ticket, please. The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Scum fans see this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Gooners on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Gooners don't buy a ticket at all. How are you going to travel without a ticket? says one perplexed Scum fan. Watch and you'll see, answers a Gooner. When they board the train, the three Spurs fans cram into a restroom and the three Gooners cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Gooners leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Tottenham fans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please.

-----

Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the double last year, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Dennis answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie. Ferguson, who wants to win the double also, decides to bring this into Manchester United's practice the next day. He calls David Beckham over to the sidelines. 'David, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the Spice Boy's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Beckham decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. 'Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Jaap Stam. So the next day David walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: 'David, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Jaap Stam?' Ferguson answers: 'No of course not you stupid b*****d. It's Dennis Bergkamp.

[claus-vest]

Og for at fortsætte stilen med fordomsfulde bar jokes:

En Brøndby-fan sidder på en bar. Der kommer en fyr ind med et bøsseagtigt udseende, og han sætter sig ved siden af Brøndby-manden. Efter et par øl læner bøssen sig ind til Brøndby-manden og hvisker i hans øre: "Skal jeg give dig et blowjob?"
Brøndby-manden går totalt bersærk, knalder ham nogen på låget og smider ham ud igennem vinduet.
Nogle af de andre gæster får Brøndby-manden til at falde til ro, og en af gæsterne spørger: "Hvad fanden blev du så sur for?"
"Jeg hørte ikke det hele, men det var noget med et job!"

Brøndby fan ... men fuck et genialt forum det her.. og joken heller ikke værst

[claus-vest]

What is the difference between Tottenham Spurs and the bermuda triangle?

The bermuda triangle has three points...

[Khushal]

Jeg har allerede lavet mine fodbold jokes

Kendte sidste ord:
Fra en ubådskaptajn: her trænger til lidt udluftning
Fra en kemilærer: dette forsøg er helt ufarligt
Fra et postbud: god hund
Fra en fodboldspiller: Ham der graversen ik?... han ser sku da ik så farlig ud vel?


A man in a bar suddenly screams 'oh no i got terrible news.... David Beckham just died....
There is complete silence in the bar as the news sinks into the people's minds... then one of them says
'So whats the bad news?'


Arsenal, Chealsea and Man UTD are all trying to convince the best player in the world to join their club
Arsenal says 'our club is best because we got so much money'
Man UTD says 'our club is the best because of the brotherhood we all are sharing in this club..'
Chealsea says 'we simply are the best...'

[claus-vest]

Jeg har allerede lavet mine fodbold jokes

Kendte sidste ord:
Fra en ubådskaptajn: her trænger til lidt udluftning
Fra en kemilærer: dette forsøg er helt ufarligt
Fra et postbud: god hund
Fra en fodboldspiller: Ham der graversen ik?... han ser sku da ik så farlig ud vel?

Thomas Hartmann style


A Sunderland supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor

[Red love]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

[Red love]

Q: What do Liverpool fans and mushrooms have in common?

A:They both have big heads and live in shit

[Wonder Jones]

Thomas Hartmann style


A Sunderland supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor

 

[arsenalistic]

Arsenal, Chealsea and Man UTD are all trying to convince the best player in the world to join their club
Arsenal says 'our club is best because we got so much money'
Man UTD says 'our club is the best because of the brotherhood we all are sharing in this club..'
Chealsea says 'we simply are the best...'

Hmmm