Humor, god som dårlig!

 

[Zone 43]

Fail!

[GHERTESTEAS]

Ja, dø juice!

[Corvette]

den ene væg til den anden: vi mødes på hjørnet
hvad hedder en frø der gør rent: en skrubtuse

en dansker, en svensker og en nordmand står på et højhus. danskeren tager elevatoren, svensker tager trappen og nordmanden hopper ud i faldskærm. hvem var første mand på jorden. svaret kommer når der har været nogle svar XD

den her er til de kvikke:
den ene ko:er du ikke bange for at få ko-galskab
den anden ko: nej for jeg er en helikopter

hiver lige denne frem igen er der nogle der forstår den nederste?

Hvorfor står der kun Zoo på Zoologisk have skiltet?
Svaret kommer efter nogle gæt

[g00n]

Fordi resten er jo logisk!

[Corvette]

rigtigt!

[Zone 43]

[korzika]

[Newcastle]

Three Labrador retrievers, chocolate, yellow, and black, are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.
The black lab turns to the chocolate and says,So why are you here?
The chocolate lab replies, I'm a pisser. I piss on everything the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.
The black lab says, So what is the vet going to do?
Gonna give me Prozac, came the reply from the chocolate lab. All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything.
The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, Why are you here?
The yellow lab says, I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over
the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch.
So what are they going to do to you? the black lab inquired.
Looks like Prozac for me too, the dejected yellow lab said.
Then the yellow lab turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for.
I'm a humper, the black lab says. I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself I hopped on her back and started humping away
The yellow and chocolate labs exchange a sad glance and say, So, Prozac for you too, huh?

The black lab says, No, I'm here to get my nails clipped.

[Newcastle]

The telephone rings. **Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg**

A little girl picks up the phone and says: "Hello?"

"Hi honey! This is Daddy. Is Mummy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Dave."

After a brief pause, Daddy says:"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Dave?!"

"Oh yes I do," says the little girl, "and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now..."

There's a brief pause, then the man says: "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

The little girl says:"Okay, Daddy, Just a minute...."

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone and says:"I did it, Daddy".

The man says:"And what happened, honey?"

"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!!!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Dave?!"

"Well, he jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was so scared he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool...but I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it! He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead!!!"

Then there's a very long pause...

Then a longer pause...

And then there's an even longer pause...

And then Daddy says: "Swimming pool?"

"...Is this 486-5731?"

"No," says little girl.

"I think you have the wrong number........."

[Frederik1994]

Haha den sidste er nu meget sjov!

[Szczesny]

Som Morten Olsen har det med fodboldspillere, har jeg det med damer:

Er de gode nok, er de gamle nok!

[Corvette]

Den ene balle til den anden: "Skal vi ikke være venner nu hvor der har været så meget lort i mellem os?"

[jskovc]

Som Morten Olsen har det med fodboldspillere, har jeg det med damer:

Er de gode nok, er de gamle nok!

Jeg ville nok lave det om til, de ældste er de bedste...

[jskovc]

Jeg er igang med at se om jeg kan arbejde mig op til en "open-mike" som er en åben mikrofon for stand-up forsøg... Derfor bliver jeg nødt til at spørge om den her joke er god eller piv-ringe?

Hver gang jeg ser hende der er mit livs store kærlighed, så får jeg en helt fantastisk følelse indeni. Jeg får en indre trang til at danse rundt på en sommereng uden en trævl på kroppen. Jeg begynder at røre ved hendes nøgne hud, men alt imens mine hænder er godt i gang, trækker jeg dem til mig, og smækker døren i for næsen af hende. Jeg kan fandme bare ikke fordrage når min fryser begynder at hyle!

[Szczesny]

Det kommer vel an på stemningen i hele "showet," men jeg ville nok ikke starte med den